


Fraying at the Seams

by kaesm21



Series: Baekyeol Childhood Friends AU [2]
Category: EXO (Band), SHINee
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Friendship/Love, Heartache, M/M, Mentions of Sex, Minor TaeKai, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-05
Updated: 2018-08-05
Packaged: 2019-06-18 16:17:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15489795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaesm21/pseuds/kaesm21
Summary: Sharing a childhood and growing up with someone forms a deep, intimate bond. For Baekhyun, that bond tied him a little too tightly to his best friend, Chanyeol. He finds himself trapped and full of longing for something that he knows will never happen-- Chanyeol to love him back. When he finally manages to let that go and move on, the bond they shared begins to fray like the most loved and worn jumper, and neither of them know how to sew it back together.Baekhyun's point of view of 'Sand Through the Hourglass'It is recommended to read that first.





	Fraying at the Seams

**Author's Note:**

> Heyyy. Long time no see, huh? Life has a strange way of hitting you in ways you don't expect. My life over the course of these past few years has been a roller coaster. It's still going, of course, that's how life is, but I have found inspiration for writing again. I'm not sure how long it'll last, but this is very long over due.
> 
> (And it's kind of a monster, it's so much longer than I intended it to be, and I wrote nearly all of this in just one day-- yikes!) 
> 
> As always, I love hearing anything you have to say, it means the world to me. Please leave a comment!! I treasure all of them (even criticism) and I'll be sure to reply to you, too~
> 
> P.S. I apologise if this is rough, I feel like I could edit this for weeks and still feel it's lacking. Constructive criticism is wholeheartedly welcomed.

Fraying at the Seams

\---

Part II of Baekyeol Childhood Friends AU

_Baekhyun’s point of view of ‘[Sand Through the Hourglass’](https://archiveofourown.org/works/4735493)_

\---

The bass thuds under his feet and the music blasts in his ears. Teenagers celebrate the ending of another school year, ready to party and relieve the year long stress that’s built up. Everyone around him is dancing, laughing, drinking… having a good time. The graduated seniors all play drinking games and tease the high schoolers. The vibe is carefree and excitable, but he can’t get into it.

Baekhyun thinks that _maybe_ he could let go and party like everyone else if Chanyeol wasn’t there. His childhood best friend and hopeless crush still hasn't gotten a clue how much it fucking hurts when he picks a random guy to seduce right in front of him. Normally, Baekhyun is immune to it, but three years of unrequited love are starting to catch up with him, especially as he gets older and that void gets deeper.

He crushes the empty cup in his hands and stares at the tall handsome student through the hazy, smoke filled air. He's casually leaning against the wall and talking to someone Baekhyun can recognize but can't name. The two of them are standing so close, hands resting on each other and exploring into more intimate areas. The feeling in his chest is indescribable as his eyes take in the scene, tears pooling at the edges. 

This isn't the first time he's watched Chanyeol get a guy to dance with him, and dancing with  _him_ always leads to an escapade into an unfortunate someone's bedroom. And then the morning after, Chanyeol will leave the poor guy to wake up alone. That's if the giant even stays the night, which is actually only when he's too drunk to walk straight... which to his credit, doesn't happen as often as people think. 

The seducing part, though, lives up to the guitarist's reputation, much to Baekhyun's chagrin. He feels so small and stupid, chasing after a hopeless playboy. He knows he should look for someone better, someone who won't break his heart, but he can't. Chanyeol is his everything... and when Chanyeol isn't seducing half the school, he's warm, friendly, and everything Baekhyun wants in a boyfriend. That's why it's so hard to let go. If it were only moments like these, he could do it. But in the moments where the lines of friendship and love are blurred, he doesn't want to stop chasing. He just wants to be happy.

But right now, he can't take anymore. His heart really can only take so much of this. He tosses his broken cup in a trash can and decides it's time to ditch the party. There's nothing to keep him there. Any moment now, Chanyeol is going to lead his latest prospective fuck into a bedroom and all thoughts of the best friend he dragged here will vanish.

With a heavy heart, he pushes through the crowd of sweaty, smelly people towards the front door, trying desperately to hold back the tears threatening to fall until he's made it out undetected.

Finally, he exits the house and is free. The night’s crisp air feels incredibly nice against his too-warm face. The tears that had startedto form begin to vanish as he walks forward. The cool temperature helps calm him down. He doesn't feel like he's one step from falling apart here. With the distance from _him_ and that god awful party, he can now fool himself into thinking that maybe, just maybe, he turned down the opportunity for sex.

He knows it's pitiful. He knows it's wrong, but... he continues to tell himself that Chanyeol is worth it.

\---

The next day, Baekhyun mopes around his empty house. His parents are out of town on a business trip and his older brother is still away at college. In some ways, he’s thankful to have the place alone. Nobody’s going to ask him why he’s having vanilla ice cream for breakfast out of the carton. He can mope in peace.

He takes another spoonful of the chilled, sugary deliciousness and sinks into his living room couch. The days after he goes with Chanyeol to a party are always like this. All the negative energy just festers inside him without a real reprieve. What does he even see in all these hookups? Baekhyun sees no point to them… is sexual satisfaction worth the playboy behaviour?

He’s never admitted it to Chanyeol, but he did have a near hookup with someone at a party once. Alcohol and jealousy fueled his actions back then. He danced with some guy younger than him with ashy blonde dyed hair. This guy was way more outgoing- he grinded against Baekhyun and touched him in ways that nobody ever had before. 

It did feel good. I mean, how could it not? It was nice to be wanted, desired. When the two of them kissed, Baekhyun liked it a lot. The plush lips against his, the pleasurable bliss of the friction between them, the tongues fighting for dominance… all of it was addictive. As nice as it was, though, he couldn’t help but feel like something was lacking. When the underclassman had led him to the hallway, he broke it off and left before it could have gone any further.

The ashy blonde wasn’t Chanyeol, that’s what was lacking. It would be wrong to go further with this stranger-- he didn’t even know his name. After he left the party, he sent Chanyeol a text to let him know he wasn’t feeling well and went home from the party early. 

At the time, he’d longed for a sweet text back saying ‘hope you feel better’ or ‘let me drive you home,' but no reply had been given. By the time he’d sent the text though, Chanyeol was probably already busy making out or hooking up with someone. Chanyeol had replied mid afternoon the next day, offering to take care of him, and of course, the raven haired teen said no.

Baekhyun heaves a sigh as he takes another bite of ice cream, lost in thought and memories. Why couldn’t Chanyeol see him romantically? They’d be so compatible if not for this one thing. He thinks maybe they’d be the cutest boyfriends ever. But he’s scared that telling him would ruin the friendship they’ve built up since they were in kindergarten together. What if Chanyeol just sees him as another thing to put his dick in, and throw away?

He whimpers softly at the thought, hanging his head down and dropping his spoon into the carton. It’s not worth losing him. He doesn’t want his heart to be played with worse than it already has been. Having a taste of his love, even just physical, would make everything so much worse if it's taken away.

Suddenly without an appetite, he stands up with the carton in hand and goes to put it away in the freezer. He needs to stop indulging in this. Self pity doesn’t suit him, and there’s plenty of productive things he could do with his time.

A couple hours of later, his phone buzzes with a new text from Chanyeol.

_Baaaekie, you always leave parties without telling me, did you make it home okay?_

The message is quite sweet, and it tugs his heartstrings a bit despite the fact that he had been avidly trying to avoid thoughts of him in particular.

_I’m fine, don’t worry. What are you doing today?_

After a couple of seconds, an answer lights up his screen again.

_Nothing! Come over for video games!_

He wants to say no, but he also knows that there’s not much else for him to do at the moment. Besides, that’s their typical Saturday together, and it’s always a welcomed distraction. Fighting monsters and shooting targets doesn’t leave much room for overthinking things and longing for Chanyeol’s touch.

_On my way then!_

He sends the text before glancing at his reflection in the mirror. His hair’s a little messy, and normally he would comb it and change into something more stylish. It’s not like Chanyeol cares what he looks like though. All those times he tried looking his best never even resulted in a compliment, so he won’t waste the effort or the eyeliner.

He brushes his fingers through his hair to smooth some of the flyaways before going back downstairs to put his shoes on. Without so much as a second thought, the house is locked up and he walks the mile to Chanyeol’s house, having memorised the route.

When he gets there, his best friend doesn’t even comment on his casual attire or the sleepy look on his face. Sometimes he wonders how it’s possible for Chanyeol to be so oblivious to him, other times he realises that it’s probably because Baekhyun’s just always there… he kind of feels like a plant or something.

Thoughts like that slowly disappear as they fall into routine, starting with Chanyeol’s favourite, Halo, and ending with Baekhyun’s favourite- the Witcher series. As the hours go by, he can feel himself being less and less burdened by emotions. He barely thinks anything of their close proximity on Chanyeol’s living room couch. It feels easier, like he can breathe again.

Time always passes by so quickly when they hang out. Baekhyun smiles, laughs, jokes as they destroy targets and complete quests. It’s already past dinner time when they stop because Chanyeol complains about his hunger.

“Let’s get pizza,” the elder suggests, flashing puppy dog eyes to his best friend.

“Nooo, let’s get Chinese,” the giant says, pulling out his phone to order.

“We had that last week!” Baekhyun pouts, jutting his lower lip out.

“That pout of yours is so unfair! How am I supposed to say no to such a cute face?”

The comment makes his heart skip a beat, but he doesn’t let it show on his face at all, aside from smiling a little. This is something he’s had lots of practice with.

“You can’t, heh, that’s why we’re having pizza tonight,” he replies playfully, unable to stop the fond feeling in his chest from consuming him. He lays his head on Chanyeol’s shoulder and interlocks their arms, enjoying their closeness.

“Fine, you win,” the younger concedes, patting the smaller’s head affectionately with his free hand. “It’s my turn next time though!”

“Fine, fine, as long as we’re getting the pizza with Italian sausage,” he says back happily, watching as Chanyeol opens the app and types in the order.

“That actually sounds good tonight so I’m not gonna argue,” the taller comments before completing the payment. “It’ll be here in about half an hour!”

“Awesome, I’m starved. I’ve only had ice cream to eat today,” Baekhyun says, and conveniently, his stomach growls to verify his words.

“That’s it? Baekie, you need to eat more or you’ll start getting sick,” his best friend chides softly, pulling away to look him in the eyes. “You never eat much, it worries me sometimes.”

The look in Chanyeol’s eyes makes his heart clench. Being worried about is undeniably endearing, and it means so much coming from his unrequited crush. He feels happy with the small little win, and he nods. “I’m just forgetful, we should spend more time together so you remind me to eat,” he says playfully.

“Alright, I’ll make sure to feed you every time you come over. Can’t have you starving, can we?” the taller jokes, and shifts so he can stretch his legs a little.

“I’m positive I won’t starve with you around, this is probably the longest we’ve gone without filling that black hole you call a stomach.” He grins as he pulls away from his best friend’s hold, stretching his  arms and hands a little. “We’ve been at it for hours, even my hands are sore.”

“Got that right, it’s been fun though,” Chanyeol agrees with a hum before taking one of the shorter’s hands in both of his. “Let me, my hands aren’t sore.” Ever so gently, the taller begins massaging them, stretching the long, slender fingers.

Baekhyun tries not to blush as Chanyeol works his magic, the treatment feeling so nice and mildly more intimate than most of their skinship. Unbeknownst to most, the raven haired teen is very vocal when being pleasured. Even something as simple as this makes him flustered, and it’s horribly embarrassing that he has to hold back any possible noises he might make.

“That feels so good, thanks,” he manages to say in a neutral tone.

A smirk (that’s way too good looking on Chanyeol) crosses his face before he comments, “I’m good at making others feel good.”

His heart flutters just a bit at the flirty comment before remembers what that means, and why his crush has that particular skill. He tries not to let anything show as he retracts his hand.

“Yep, my hand’s all better now,” he says, smiling an empty smile that his friend is none the wiser about.

“Gimme your other one,” the taller says, gently taking it into his own hands and rubbing it with just the right amount of pressure to loosen it up. A small, pleasured sigh escapes Baekhyun's lips before he can stop it. The brown haired teen raises an eyebrow at his best friend before saying playfully, “I bet you’d be the type to enjoy a massage in bed.”

A mini-heart attack hits him as his cheeks grow red. “Chanyeol! Don’t just… say things like that,” he says, pulling his hand back, flustered and mildly embarrassed. He sort of likes being teased, but he hates how much it reminds him of Chanyeol’s sex life and how much he isn’t a part of it. If he was, he’d easily reply back equally as flirty.

“Aigoo, you’re so cute though, I don’t regret saying it,” he says, a grin on his lips.

Baekhyun tries to ignore the second use of the word ‘cute’ tonight and rolls his eyes to maintain composure. “You’re just a jerk who love exploiting my awkwardness with these topics.”

“Pfft, maybe a little. But sex is just sex, y’know. It’s natural,” the taller says with a shrug. “I’m surprised someone hasn’t snatched you up yet. Though I think I’d be protective if someone did, there are too many people like me are out there.”

Listening to him say that stirs up many emotions inside. Disappointment that Chanyeol is so comfortable at the thought of Baekhyun dating other people, fondness that he feels protective of him, and mild frustration how little he regards his own sex life sums it all up. He keeps his face devoid of expressing any of that, and just says, “Hmm, someone will come along eventually. Sex means more to me than it does to you. Gotta wait for the right person.”

“That’s why I’m protective though, Baek. You shouldn’t expect so much from people, especially other teenagers,” Chanyeol says, a frown crossing his face. “You’ll just get hurt.”

“Er… I guess. But if I get hurt, it’s not the end of the world,” he says back, and it’s his turn to shrug. It feels like Chanyeol is warning him against himself, and it’s got his head spinning.

“I’d have to beat up anyone who breaks your heart though,” the taller states, crossing his arms over his chest.

_You’ll have to beat yourself up then_ , Baekhyun thinks and grimaces at the thought. It really is time he gets over this crush he’s got, even Chanyeol is telling him to do so in a way. “That isn’t necessary, heartache is an unfortunate part of life. Violence, however, we can choose to not engage in. And if it comes to it, don’t forget that I’ve taken hapkido,” he makes his tone playful by the end, and is relieved when he hears the doorbell.

The rest of the night passes uneventfully, filled with games and laughter. When it’s time for Baekhyun to leave, he silently makes a pact to himself to finally move past his feelings for Chanyeol. He’s done letting himself be hurt by him, and besides… he does like their friendship when that’s all it is. The easygoing times when they were kids, the bonds that they share. If he thinks objectively, which is really hard to do in this situation, they’re better off as friends. Too many friendships fall apart after that line is crossed. The only problem he has with Chanyeol is longing for more. If that’s gone, they won’t have any issues.

Or so he thinks.

That's when a single thread is tugged out of line, beginning to fray.

\---

It’s one night a week or so later that his commitment to his promise is truly put to the test. At a late night pool party, Baekhyun finally snaps when he catches Chanyeol in the act. His best friend drove him here because he claimed “not to know anyone.” Of course, the elder found it hard to believe to begin with, given how many people the ‘happy virus’ knows, but a small part of him honestly hoped the taller would lay off with the charm and seduction tonight and keep the person he brought here company. Instead, it’s just like any other night... and he really should have known better. 

By now, Baekhyun thinks he would be done with whoever he is with. The raven haired teen is both utterly bored and utterly sober. He doesn't like this crowd. They don't care much about him, so it's not like they try to include him. He goes to look for Chanyeol to go home but what he sees brings a whole new level of pain.

Chanyeol, in all his naked glory, thrusts in and out of an underclassman, moaning and panting. They kiss passionately, completely unaware of Baekhyun's presence. The underclassman's whines and shrieks of pleasure fill the night air, and makes him feel an unhealthy amount of rage and jealousy. His hands curl into fists as the desire to punch both of them arises. He bites his lip, choking back an angry sob as he tears his gaze away. Underneath all the jealousy and anger lays a shattered heart. This is the last straw, the final push. He gets it. The universe is throwing it in his face time and time again just how much he can't have Chanyeol. He's done trying and waiting and chasing. This has happened too many times for him to fool himself again.

He turns his back on them and goes back to the party, eyes clouded with unshed tears. There is no way to deny it anymore, he really really has to let go of these feelings if he doesn’t want to end up single and alone for forever.

The plan to stay sober is thrown out the window, and the teen puts on a bubbly, friendly persona to wriggle his way into the group. When he succeeds in getting them to warm up to him, he drinks whatever they press into his hands- vodka, tequila, rum, beer. All of it burns down his throat, slowly but surely dulling his senses. Soon enough, he's too hammered to walk straight. He stumbles around, making endless dumb jokes. Whenever he's in pain, he uses humor as an escape. He makes everyone around him laugh, loudly and drunkenly, before Chanyeol comes back.

Baekhyun, though drunk, still has admirable self control with his emotions when face to face with Chanyeol. This has come from many painful years of practice. He pretends nothing is wrong and that he's just having a good time, but blatantly ignores everything his best friend does or says.

Though he does his best to ignore him, some things are impossible not to notice. Those tousled brown, wavy locks and musky scent clinging to his skin make it obvious he's had a couple rounds of sex. These facts feel like a sucker punch straight to his heart. He hides it with a smile and brushes him off as best he can in favor of another beer… and then another, and another until the night finally comes to an end. He doesn’t remember much of how things go from there, he’s just a mess.

When he wakes the next day, home and in his own bed, the incessant pounding of his head makes him feel weak and gross. He lays there as memories of the party come back to him,and he buries his head beneath the pillow in an attempt to block out the light and the memories. While it succeeds in the latter, the former won't leave him alone, pillow or not. The problem with drinking to forget is that it is absolute _agony_ if you don't forget everything.

Thoughts of last night that he wishes he could forget become the only thing he can think about. Seeing Chanyeol like that makes him feel sick (and not just because of the hangover, either) because sex honestly should mean something in his eyes. How careless Chanyeol is makes the familiar heartache return, only amplified by his pounding head. Baekhyun thinks of the countless people he's seen the giant seduce, and can't help but feel repulsed. 

He's done with this. He's done pining over someone who clearly can't live up to what he wants.

And honestly, is it fair of him? Baekhyun shouldn't look for someone to "fix." Chanyeol has every right to fuck anything with legs if he wants. Baekhyun knows he doesn't want that kind of relationship. It's time to move on.

Unbeknownst to him, another thread comes loose.

\---

He constantly has to remind himself of the things Chanyeol has done in order to get over him, but slowly, over the summer, he's getting there. If he thinks about that night at the pool party every single time he knows he's going to see his best friend, he doesn't get nearly as flustered as he used to. He's forcing himself to see the worst in him, but if he doesn't, then he knows he'll let himself slip back into that black hole of negativity, sleepless nights, and insecurities. 

He's dealt with far too much of that already, he can't stand another minute more. 

It takes nearly the entire summer, about a week before school starts back up again, for Baekhyun to feel somewhat comfortable around Chanyeol without having to remind himself of gross things in order to not to get tripped up. Of course, it still happens here and there. Sometimes he catches himself staring at his dongsaeng's smooth looking lips when he talks, but the second he catches it, he stops himself. He mentally blocks out the skinship. He doesn't let himself focus on the feeling of Chanyeol's arms anymore… he doesn’t allow himself to read anything into it or the usage of 'cute.' 

With time, it gets easier. His aching heart is finally healing after three years of an emotional roller coaster. He's accepted that Chanyeol is not meant to be his. It's a little unstable, but if he keeps reminding himself, he's bound to get over it. All of his progress so far is so much more than he's accomplished before, so there isn't a single doubt in his mind that he's heading in the right direction. 

\---

On the first day of school of his senior year, Baekhyun walks the halls with his phone in hand, checking out the latest upload from a cover artist he likes on youtube. By now, he's all too familiar with the school and the 'first day back' nonsense every subject has. He barely even notices when he bumps into someone. "Sorry," he murmurs, looking up to see who it is he ran into. 

The boy is tall with dark hair and a mischievous smile that he finds rather attractive. Though he is undoubtedly younger than Baekhyun, and probably new to the school this year due to how unfamiliar he looks. "Not a problem," the teen replies easily. "See you around."

When he walks away, Baekhyun feels a fleeting moment of guilt for finding the stranger attractive. The boy is handsome, yes, but somewhere in his heart, he still feels like he's betraying Chanyeol. It's ridiculous because he knows Chanyeol only looks at him as a friend. Mentally, he scolds himself and sighs before he walks into his next class, paying so little attention that he almost walked past it. He double checks his schedule to make sure he didn't mistakenly head to the wrong period. He's in the right place, alright... Advanced Placement Calculus. He looks around the room to see if any of his or Chanyeol's acquaintances are in the class and raises an eyebrow when he sees the boy he accidentally ran into in the halls. 

Someone younger than him taking this class kind of makes him feel a little embarrassed, even though it shouldn't. Baekhyun knows he's smart... and with the lack of social life, he's always focused on studies. He's about to sit down at the front of the classroom when the boy notices him, too.

"Hey," he says, walking over with those slim, long legs of his. "Sit by me." The little pout forming on his lips is absolutely adorable, and Baekhyun's lips turn up in a smile.

"Sure," he replies, trying to appear as casual as possible. He wishes he had more people he could call friends because he doesn't want him to think he's lame... Unfortunately for him, though, he doesn't know a single person in the classroom. If he's honest, he'd be surprised to see any of Chanyeol's friends in this class. It's too 'nerdy' for most of them. 

"So what's your name?" the boy asks, taking his seat in the back.

"Baekhyun," he answers as he sits next to him. "What's yours?"

"Sehun," the boy replies, smiling slightly. "Thanks for sitting with me, by the way. This class has almost nothing but seniors."

Baekhyun chuckles and tries to not feel offended. "I'm a senior," he laughs, shaking his head slightly. It isn't the first time he's been mistaken for being younger than he is. 

Sehun looks at him skeptically from under his neatly trimmed bangs. "Really? I don't think I believe you. Maybe you could pass for a junior. Definitely not a senior."

Baekhyun rolls his eyes playfully and begins to stand, clearly teasing him. "Maybe I'll just go and sit over there, with my other senior friends..."

"Oh no you don't," Sehun says, equally as playful as he grabs Baekhyun's wrist, trapping him at the desk he's in. "You're staying with me,  _hyung._ " 

The bell rings, and Baekhyun feigns reluctance to sit back down. He loves how Sehun automatically catches onto his playful manner and even returns some of the banter back. Instead of listening to the teacher drone on and on about the syllabus and the curriculum, they joke in hushed tones. It feels natural, like they've been best friends for years. By the end of the class, they're exchanging phone numbers and making plans to hang out outside of class later that day.

\---

Finally the first week of school wraps up, and Baekhyun's been splitting his time outside of class equally with Chanyeol and Sehun. It feels nice to introduce another person to his monotonous life. Being around Sehun feels just as natural (if not moreso) as being around his childhood best friend. Although it's happening quickly, it's evident the two of them are very similar in some ways, and just different enough to pique the other's curiosity. Spending time together never fails to leave the raven haired teen with good vibes. 

Friday afternoon while his nose is buried in a history textbook, a surprise visit from Sehun is a more than welcomed distraction. His parents love his new friend, and let him in without question. 

"Baek, I know it's really last minute, but I want you to come with me to meet my friends," the younger explains happily, making himself comfortable next to him on the bed. "You've already heard about most of them, it's about time you met them." 

"Hmmm, I don't know, this history book sure is interesting..." he teases, letting his gaze go back to the textbook in his hands. Of course, he's being sarcastic... and of course, his friend can sense that a mile a way... but that doesn't make it any less entertaining when a hand cups his cheek, forcing him to look up. 

"Yeah right! You're coming with me, I'm not gonna take no for an answer," the taller says with a grin, withdrawing his hand but remaining close. 

Baekhyun swears that his cheek is tingling, and he really hopes he's not blushing as he replies, "It's good that my answer isn't no then!" He adds a playful wink for good measure, hoping to come across cool and collected despite his thudding heart. "Where are we going?" 

"To the dance studio. Unfortunately all of my goody-two-shoes friends like to show up to practice early and hang out before it starts," the teen says, rolling his eyes boyishly. "Don't get me wrong, I love dancing too, but I don't feel the need to lock myself up in the studio in what little free time I have." 

"I've never been to a dance studio, but if it doesn't have a bed or a couch, I can think of better places to lock yourself up," he comments with a laugh. "Though you still haven't told me what kind of dancing you do. You better let me stay to watch!" Perhaps a little too eagerly, he closes his textbook and focuses his gaze on his handsome dongsaeng, who gets the cutest sheepish look on his face. 

"I dance hip hop, mainly. Some popping and locking, too," he replies cooler than his expression portrays before clasping his hands in Baekhyun's and pulls them both to standing. "Come on, you're officially invited to practice. Let's go." 

The conversation never stops flowing as Baekhyun drives them to the studio, given directions by the younger. The short ride is rife with laughter and smiles. Banter and flirty comments are easily exchanged, almost as if they are designed for one another. When they pull up, Baekhyun gets the sense that he isn't the only one craving skinship. 

He's proven right when Sehun drapes his arm over the shorter's shoulders as they walk towards the building. The contact sends butterflies straight to his stomach. His smile widens and he tilts his head up to get a good look at him. The dark hair looks so soft to the touch... combined with his ethereal good looks, it causes blush to dust Baekhyun's cheeks. Those lips, so smooth and just the right amount of plumpness look so very tempting. He hasn't ever wanted to kiss anyone as badly as he does right now, which is definitely a surprise, given how bad he had it for Chanyeol. The thought makes him a little uncomfortable. He doesn't want to compare Chanyeol and Sehun, so he mentally blocks his best friend from his mind and focuses his attention on the moment.

When Sehun looks down and catches him staring, Baekhyun feels surprisingly confident in himself. "You're kind of cute," he mumbles, bringing a hand up to pinch his cheek. The action feels natural, but guilt curls in his stomach. He brushes it off, knowing that there’s nothing to warrant it.

Sehun licks his lip (something Baekhyun noticed is an unbreakable habit of his) and blushes slightly at the compliment. "So are you," he returns playfully before batting away his hand, mildly sheepish. 

He finds Sehun both endearing and refreshing. He knows it’s now or never to take a chance. "Go out with me," Baekhyun says suddenly. "On a date." A moment of panic builds in his chest, but it melts the second he sees Sehun’s face light up with a dazzling smile.

"Sure. How about next Friday?" he asks, pulling away to grab the door for the smaller teen. 

"I'll be looking forward to it," he replies happily, his heart feeling like it might combust. "Now take me to your dancer friends."

Sehun grins and leads the way through the maze of hallways and doors, clutching his hand along the way. Baekhyun intertwines their fingers, humming quietly in approval how even something so simple feels so nice. Their hands fit together well, he notices as they arrive to the correct room. The younger pulls away again to also open this door for him, too.

The first thing Baekhyun notices is the large wall-length mirrors to the left. He’s never been inside a dance studio before, and the mirrors kind of fascinate him. But he tears his gaze away from that and focuses on the cluster of teenage boys lounging on the floor in the corner.

“Hey, Sehun,” a tan teen with chocolate colored hair and matching eyes greets. “Who’s this?”

Baekhyun notes how his fingers are intertwined with a pretty golden blonde teen, and a small smile curls on his lips at the sight. “This is the friend I’ve been telling you about. Baek, this is Jongin and his boyfriend Taemin." He points a finger towards the petite blonde and takes a seat near them, pulling Baekhyun down with him. "They are the most obnoxious couple on the planet-”

Sehun is cut off by a playful punch on the shoulder by Jongin, who totally resembles a teddy bear in his mind. Taemin smirks smugly at Sehun before turning to properly greet Baekhyun. “Nice to meet you. Sehun’s told us _a lot_ about you.”

“More like he won’t shut up about you!” Jongin adds, a cheeky grin on his lips.

The blush reddening Sehun’s cheeks and the tone of Taemin and Jongin’s teasing makes Baekhyun put two and two together. Sehun's got a crush on him. On him! Baekhyun can barely believe it. For the first time, he feels like he might actually be attractive. He's never been sure of that and this is definitely a confidence boost. 

“Aww, Sehun, I’m flattered you seem to talk about me so much,” he teases with a genuine smile on his lips, trying to keep the fond feelings in his heart to a minimum.

The room erupts with laughter as Sehun huffs cutely. He jabs his elbow into Baekhyun’s side with a pout on his lips. The raven haired teen's laugh joins in with the others at the adorable behaviour. The youngest among them sure has a lot of aegyo, though the raven haired boy has the suspicion that Sehun could flip a switch and become deadly handsome if he wanted to (later he'll be proven right).

“I think you’ll fit in flawlessly!” another teen who also has blonde hair side says. “I’m Jonghyun.”

Baekhyun nods eagerly and says, “I like it here already.” He does; he’s not just saying it to be polite. The atmosphere here is fun, light, and cheery. After all the heartache and turmoil with Chanyeol (not to mention the drama his friends have), he wants nothing more than to have a good time and a set of friends to call his own.

A stylish boy with long legs scoots forward and smiles welcomingly. “I’m Key,” he says with a grin. "It's good to meet the pretty brunette we've heard about." His gaze goes over to the last of their group, laying on his stomach.  

“Hi, I’m Jinki,” he says, and sits up so he can extend his hand for Baekhyun to shake. The tradition, though dated, makes Jinki seem dorky and warm and friendly- Baekhyun's favourite type of people.

"Usually another team member is here, but he's splitting his time between dance and football. His name is Minho, hopefully you'll catch him next time!" Jonghyun chimes in. 

"I look forward to meeting him, too," Baekhyun replies genuinely, absentmindedly playing with Sehun's hand in his. 

Now that the ice (if you can even call it that) is broken, all of them chat about anything and everything, getting to know each other with ease. Some of them are awkward, but he loves it. People who act cool and suave and confident all the time have the tendency to come across as shallow. This group of guys comes across as real, and if he has to pick a word for it... adorkable. He definitely agrees with Jonghyun’s earlier statement. He does think he fits in here, and he can’t remember the last time he felt like he belonged with a group like this. It's a whole different feeling he has here than he's had anywhere else, even around Chanyoel. Even though practice is about to start, they invite him to sit in and watch.

He agrees happily, pleased that they all seem to want him here (which is definitely a new feeling), and takes a seat in a spare chair. He’s never paid much attention to dancing before, so the experience will be new to him. As the practice goes on, he can tell that all of them are trying to show off in their own ways, and he would probably giggle if it wasn’t for the instructor at the front.

When they start doing routines, Baekhyun can’t help but be drawn to Sehun in particular. The passion he has is evident; every move has intense precision. The way he carries himself while he dances is also hard to miss. Sehun truly comes alive when dancing. The passion Baekhyun can see in his eyes is pure and raw… and innocent. He’s not dancing to seduce. He’s dancing because he simply loves it.

The innocence Baekhyun sees in it touches his heart. It’s so refreshing and heartwarming that he doesn’t even bother trying to stop the smile spreading across his lips.

\---

After leaving the dance studio and dropping the younger off at home, Baekhyun does some serious thinking. The heartache from the whole thing with Chanyeol still lingers, but… he sees an opportunity to be happy. Just the few hours he spent with Sehun has proven to him that all it takes is a little effort to find happiness. If he continues to mope around about an unrequited high school crush, he’s going to regret it.

Besides, Baekhyun isn’t using Sehun. He genuinely likes him for who he is… and Baekhyun wasn’t looking to get into any sort of relationship when they met. This sort of just happened unintentionally. There is nothing to hold him back. If he likes Sehun, why doesn’t he see where it goes? It’s not like he’s betraying Chanyeol. He’s not hurting anyone. Quite the contrary, actually. 

If things start to head in a negative direction, he’ll end it. He’s spent too long suffering for him to wish anyone else to go through it, let alone someone like Sehun, who’s just as new as he is when it comes to dating. His decision is made by the time he crawls into bed.

He’s going to give it a shot with Sehun.

\---

When Friday comes back around, Sehun seems to be all he can think about. He’s excited to get out and start dating, but he’s also nervous. The only exposure to romance, dating, and sex, has been through Chanyeol, who is a less than stellar example to follow. But he supposes he knows what not to do. As he sits next to Chanyeol at lunch, he’s so deep in thought that he completely misses what Chanyeol is talking about.

“Hey, Baek, did you hear anything I just said?” Chanyeol asks, voice suddenly cutting through all of his thoughts.

“Sorry, just thinking,” he answers, kind of embarrassed. He doesn’t normally ignore what Chanyeol has to say, even though half the time he doesn’t approve.

“What could possibly be more important?” he asks sarcastically with a smirk toying at the corners of his lips.

He starts blushing at the teasing undertones of his voice. “Uh, it’s nothing,” he tries to brush it off. He doesn’t know how to bring this topic up with Chanyeol.

“No, tell me!” Chanyeol exclaims, clearly not letting this go.

“You’ll laugh,” Baekhyun murmurs before taking a sip of his water to cool down.

“I won’t,” he promises, stubborn and unrelenting.

“I’m going out on a date tonight,” he says. His cheeks are burning, so he buries his face in his hands to hide it from Chanyeol. He doesn’t like being called out like this. Not to mention, he has no idea what to wear or how to act… He really wants this to go well.

His best friend’s reaction immediately pulls him from his thoughts. “You are? With who?” Chanyeol asks tensely, all playful teasing gone. It takes him aback, just a little. He shakes it off, though, because he’s done trying to read in between the lines every time Chanyeol surprises him.  
“Oh Sehun,” he answers. He can’t help smiling. “He’s younger than us.”

“Let me know if he oversteps his bounds. I’ll put him in his place real quick,” Chanyeol says, looking a little nervous. The thought that he’s jealous crosses his mind before he shoots the idea down. If Chanyeol was jealous, he would have made moves on Baekhyun years ago. No. It’s just protectiveness… almost brotherly. And he even said so over the summer, too. Nothing to get so tripped up over.

He just nods instead of answering verbally. He doesn’t even know what to say to that, so silence is the best option. Sehun won’t hurt him, at least… nothing can hurt him more than Chanyeol has. He can take care of himself at this point. As he finishes his lunch, he can’t help but feel like Chanyeol’s staring at him, but every time he looks up, Chanyeol isn’t even close to looking his way.

\---

After all the nerves and excitement, the date is a resounding success. Baekhyun learns so much more about Sehun, and he soaks up every little detail like a sponge. He learns that he and Taemin love watching horror movies together and is invited to one of their movie nights. He learns that the younger is quite shy when it comes to romance and finds it all _adorable_. It makes him feel warm inside, spending time with him. He remembers the smile adorning Sehun’s lips when Baekhyun asked him to the movies later in the week. 

When he’s alone in his room, he thinks over all the moments during their date, not wanting to forget a single detail. He worries a little that he might be getting in over his head, but he’s too happy to care.

It’s been such a long time since he felt so excited to spend time with someone. It feels so pure, so honest. He is actually really surprised at himself, he never thought he would find anyone who he simply clicked with. It's like Sehun is the missing puzzle piece he didn't know he was looking for until he had it in hand. 

The next day at school, he really can’t hide how happy he is… and why should he? There’s no reason for him to feel embarrassed, especially with Chanyeol. Mentally preparing himself for some teasing, he walks to his locker and collects his necessary books and binders for his first period.

Shortly after, Chanyeol walks over to greet him. “My, my. What’s gotten into you?” he asks playfully, leaning into Baekhyun’s now closed locker.

“The date went really well, and I asked him out on another. He said yes!” The smile he was already wearing grows wider as he speaks, and he doesn’t bother hiding it.

“Congrats,” the taller replies shortly.

Baekhyun can sense some tension he wasn’t expecting between them, but doesn’t have time to dwell on it really. Sehun messaged him earlier, asking to walk with him to his first period, so he’s got to go meet him. He bids Chanyeol goodbye, making a mental note to think about the weird behaviour later.

Later never comes, though. A loose thread in their friendship is snagged on something neither can see, but neither is very concerned with.

\---

As the weeks go by, his relationship with Sehun keeps getting better and better. They even become official boyfriends. He spends some time with his newfound friends from the dance studio, too. He doesn’t realise how little time he’s spending with Chanyeol since he’s finally got a social life of his own for once.

When they invite him (and Sehun practically begs him) to join them for lunch, he’s very inclined to say yes. His childhood best friend has tons of friends and spends a lot of time with them already, so he doesn’t think he’ll be missed at lunch with them. He sends him a quick text so he won’t worry, and sits with the dancers.

A dance recital is coming up, so they’re all really excited and start practicing a little once they’ve finished eating. Jonghyun offers to show Baekhyun some of the dance moves, and pretty soon, they’re really just playing some music and having a good time rather than practicing. The carefree vibes he gets from them makes him feel at ease in a way he never truly felt around Chanyeol’s friends.

He decides that he thinks of all of Sehun’s teammates as his own friends one day when Sehun’s out sick with a fever, and he still chooses to sit with the dancers. Even without the youngest with them, they still have a good time. It’s hilarious how suddenly everyone turns their teasing to Taemin and Jongin, and he learns more about their sweet relationship in the process. A warm feeling blooms in his heart when he learns that they, too, grew up together. Their story is everything he had once desired for him and Chanyeol. Though that thought crosses his mind, none of the heartache he expects does. Some things are just meant to be while others are not. Perhaps Taemin and Jongin fall into the first category while himself and his giant best friend fall into the second.

He finally meets the famous sports/dance star Minho, and learns how he came to be so talented at such different hobbies (with such crazy schedules). The more time he spends with these people, the less drama he’s encountering. In a way, he feels like he’s finally found his place, even if he’s not a dancer himself. They never make him feel left out, they genuinely welcome him and he can relate to them so much more... almost like family. 

With his ‘friends’ in the past, they were all actively social creatures. They liked to party, they liked to drink, and fooling around was as easy to them as breathing. That was always their primary focus, so Baekhyun could never feel connected to them. He likes that his new friends each value alone time, deeper friendships, and intimate gatherings.

He really wants to share this with Chanyeol, so he keeps inviting him to sit with the group. One Friday, he finally accepts, much to Baekhyun’s excitement.

“You’ll like them, they’re really fun people to be around,” the black haired teen says, leading Chanyeol to the fine arts lobby cheerfully. “I finally have friends of my own for once,” he laughs, shaking his head playfully.

“That’s great, Baek. But the friends you say are mine consider you a friend too, y’know,” the taller says, following him dutifully.

“That’s true, though I don’t think I fit in well with them as much as you do,” he answers honestly as they walk the halls. “Anyway, we’re just about here! Come on, I’ll introduce you.”

“Sure, sounds good,” Chanyeol says with a nod as the shorter opens the door to the building.

“Hey guys! This is Chanyeol,” Baekhyun declares to the group happily before walking over to Sehun. Baekhyun has already opened up to him about how he used to feel towards the giant, so he’s not exactly surprised how Sehun suddenly becomes very open with affection, kissing his cheek and wrapping his arms around his waist. His heart flutters in his chest a bit and he affectionately kisses his boyfriend’s cheek in return before pulling back. “This is Sehunnie, my boyfriend,” he says, smiling in content.

He thought he’d feel weird having the two of them finally meet, but instead, he feels pretty confident. Chanyeol’s so social, he could easily befriend everyone in the room. Besides, this way, he can also show Sehun that his long-time best friend isn’t a threat anymore. Perhaps it’s finally his turn to have a normal high school experience, instead of the angsty dramatic experience he’s had until now.

It doesn’t go unnoticed how quiet Chanyeol is with the group as they do introductions, though. Baekhyun isn’t sure what to say to smooth things over, he’s never really been the one introducing people before. Normally his best friend is introducing him to other people, and well… Baekhyun never felt included despite that, so he doesn’t know how to make Chanyeol loosen up. Is it really so hard for him to meet the people he’s befriended…?

He makes a mental note to address it later when they hang out just the two of them before the bell rings and causes them to part ways for class.

\---

Fall turns into winter quickly, and Baekhyun is pulled into many directions between the piles of course work, dates with Sehun, and social gatherings with his friends. The usual Saturday afternoons with Chanyeol get a little less consistent after Baekhyun picks up a part time job. His parents have always had high expectations of him and part of that is paying for things like dates and a car on his own. He begins to miss his best friend a bit. Things used to be so much easier before their senior year. 

Well, that’s not entirely true. Carrying a painful, unrequited crush isn’t something he’d call easy. But their dynamic in the moment usually was: hanging out, talking over things, spending time with each other’s family. Those things were easy, definitely. Nowadays when he goes to Chanyeol’s place or the other comes to his, things seem a bit off, though it’s not major or anything and probably mostly his imagination. One thing that isn’t is their lack of skinship. He actually doesn’t miss it much. When Sehun initially asked him to lessen the physicalness of his friendship with Chanyeol, he thought it would be hard. But it’s actually just as natural for him to give him a fist bump instead of a hug. He recalls a time when every touch from the giant would leave him agonising and overthinking things, and he’s very glad to be past that stage.

Though his friendship with Chanyeol seems to be a lot less complicated now, they spend way less time together outside of school. In many ways, it feels like things are going the best for him than they’ve ever been, but he can’t help but feel like things are also not how they’re supposed to be. 

A sigh leaves his lips as he gently toys with his relatively new ear piercing, deep in thought over a lot of things and unsure of what brought it about. The distance between them was created by Baekhyun in order to protect his heart, but now he’s not sure if Chanyeol’s okay. He acts so different lately, more subdued and less social. It seems pretty strange to Baekhyun and wonders if he’s done it or if it’s just stress of senior year or if it's something going on with another friend of his.

The only way to get answers is to talk to him, though that’s not an easy topic in the slightest. The raven haired teen tries to shake off those thoughts and returns to work, focusing on doing a good job and chatting with his customers as they pass through his line. Controlling his emotions has always been something he’s prided himself on, and at work, he portrays a cheerful and upbeat personality as easy as breathing.

Much to his surprise, Chanyeol of all people enters his line with a basket in hand almost as if he’d been summoned by his thoughts. His tall best friend stands there frozen, though, staring at him as if he hasn’t seen him in years.

“Channie?” he asks with uncertainty. Okay, it’s definitely not Baekhyun’s imagination. His best friend is without a doubt acting weird. Though talking to him has seemingly broken the spell; Chanyeol sets his basket down and… is that blush on his cheeks?

Baekhyun mentally dismisses the thought. That’s not possible, what on earth would have made him blush? It’s not like him, that’s for sure.

“Hey,” the taller says, looking down at his wallet.

“Hi! I’m glad you came. What brings you here?” Baekhyun asks, keeping his cheerful tone neutral, trying to keep thoughts and worries away until he’s no longer working.

“Nothing really. Just thought I’d drop by,” he answers, finally looking back up. The blush, if it ever was there, is already gone so the cashier is inclined to think it wasn’t ever there to begin with.

“It’s great to see you!” the shorter says honestly as he begins scanning the items from his basket. “I feel like I haven’t seen you in ages!” That’s also true. It’s been a couple weekends since he’s been able to make it over for their Saturday video game marathon, and Chanyeol doesn’t always sit with him at lunch. This is the first year that they don’t have a single class together, so it’s a toss up whether or not they run into each other at school. The lack of classes together is another reason they don’t study much together anymore, too.

“Same! And when did you pierce your ears?” The playful tone coming from his best friend assuages him of any worries from earlier.

A smile widens across his lips as he taps some buttons on the register. “I just did it Friday night. I’ve been wanting to do it for a while! Anyway, your total is $4.97.” He holds his hand out for the cash patiently.

“It looks good,” he compliments as he places a five dollar bill into Baekhyun’s waiting hand. There was a time in the past where such a compliment would have made his heart race and his cheeks flush, but it doesn’t have nearly the same effect now. Maybe a tiny bit of that, but mostly just happiness at having earned a compliment.

“Three cents back for you. Here’s your receipt! I’m off in ten minutes if you want to wait,” he says, a warm feeling in his chest and a smile on his lips.

“Sure,” Chanyeol says, his expression lighting up with happiness. “I’ll be right outside.”

The last ten minutes of Baekhyun’s shift seem to take forever to pass. He’s a little worried at how to bring up what he feels needs to be said but he’s also just happy to have some time to spend with his best friend. Maybe the hard conversation can wait for another time. He’d rather just enjoy the rest of the evening… he certainly doesn’t want to think about the essay he’s got to work on back home, too.

When he’s finally able to clock out, he takes off his nametag and stops by the restroom to freshen up a bit. He straightens out his clothing a little and puts a fresh coat of chapstick on. The winter is finally starting to pass, but his lips are chapped often… partially due to all the kissing he and Sehun do.

He exits the bathroom and makes his way to the entrance where Chanyeol’s waiting. Seeing him standing there with that smile on his face makes him realise what he’s missed the past few months. Busy or not, this guy is his best friend. They should spend more time together.

“Hi! Sorry to keep you waiting,” he says before greeting him with a hug.

A boisterous laugh fills his ears as he pulls back, and he can’t recall the last time he heard that laugh. It’s a good sound to hear. “You’re such an ass, making me wait outside for you for ten whole minutes,” he says sarcastically, amused.

A grin pulls at the corners of Baekhyun’s chapped lips and he says, “Come on, let’s go eat. I’ll pay.”

The smile on Chanyeol’s lips falls a little and the older is perplexed as to why. “You don’t have to, I can pay for myself.”

He brushes off the weird behaviour from him, assuming it’s only because he doesn’t want him to waste money or something. “No, I want to!” he exclaims, a little louder than he meant. “It’s nice being able to spend it on someone. I've already bought all the things Sehun and I could possibly want and I still have tons left over." He nudges Chanyeol and leads him the way towards his favourite after work stop.

“Fine, just this once.” The shorter can tell it’s a little reluctant on his end, but he’s glad Chanyeol agreed nonetheless. Having a source of income is a good feeling for Baekhyun, he likes having the ability to pay for things.

They walk to the restaurant and take their seats. The staff here already knows his favourite is the number two combo with curly fries, so they don’t bother asking him for his order.

Instead of ordering, he chats a bit with Chanyeol, and the black haired cashier finds himself talking about all the things he’s been  up to lately. He’s spent lots of time with Jonghyun and Taemin, working on composing some music for the school talent show coming up. The entire dance team has decided to include him in a dance cover of a Super Junior song they’re filming, so he’s been practicing with them too. For once, he’s got an insanely active social life and it feels good to talk about it with Chanyeol, who always encouraged him to branch out. He does avoid gushing about Sehun- he knows that his best friend is  _still_ reluctant to trust him.

“Baek, we should spend more time together,” Chanyeol interrupts him mid-sentence about the choreography he’s learning.

That’s when the black haired teen realises that he’s been rambling and that Chanyeol hasn’t exactly been paying attention to him. He feels a little hurt but brushes it off, because his interruption might have been rude, but he’s not wrong. “Yeah, we should. I'll make more time for you, okay? I promise. Anyway, what's been going on with you?" he asks before taking a drink of water.

“I've been busy spending time with Joonmyun and Minseok. We went to the movies the other day.” The answer comes across as a little off to Baekhyun, but who is he to judge?

“Oh, what did you see?” he asks, tilting his head a little like he always does when he’s unsure if Chanyeol’s telling the truth. Most of the time, he could read him like an open book. Lately that hasn’t been the case, though.

He definitely notices how his gaze falls to the menu before answering. “I don’t remember the name. It was an action move,” the taller says.

Baekhyun’s sure it’s a lie, but he doesn’t know how to address it or what good that would do. “Ah, that’s okay. I forget movie names sometimes, too.” His phone goes off, and a smile crosses his lips at the name he reads on the screen.

_From: Hunnie ♡_  
_Heyyy, are you off work?_

He knows it’s rude to text while he’s out with Chanyeol, but he’s been working all day and misses Sehun. His original intention is to just reply and then focus back on his conversation with his best friend, but he finds it hard to stop messaging his lovely boyfriend who’s teasing him and inviting him over for movies and probably a lot of making out since his parents are on a weekend wine tasting trip at the moment.

He carries a conversation with Chanyeol and decides he can multitask, but suddenly the taller of the two seems less interested in what he has to say, so it makes it even harder to keep going. His text message exchange with Sehun is a lot easier to be happy about; they’ve decided to watch a newly released fantasy movie together before doing… other things he probably shouldn’t let Sehun text him about in public.

His cheeks are heated as he reads some of the things on his screen, but Chanyeol doesn’t even notice since his eyes are on his own phone. He’s smiling but to Baekhyun, it looks like it’s all for show. He's at a loss of what to do, and despite hating that, he doesn't think he can fix it by staying here.

“Hey, uh, I’ve got to go for the night,” Baekhyun says, putting away his cell phone. “How did you get here? I can give you a ride home if you’d like.” He feels kind of bad about how this evening went, and realises that he does need to make more of an effort with his best friend to avoid awkward outings like this.

“No worries, go ahead and go. I’m actually going to a party after this,” Chanyeol says, shaking his head. “I had fun, thanks for dinner, Baek.”

“Oh, okay. You’re welcome for dinner, have fun tonight!” he says with false cheerfulness, reminded of his absolute hatred of parties in general. Though he’s over Chanyeol, that doesn’t stop the reminder of what parties meant to him. His friend will forever be a bachelor, apparently. It’s kind of sad, and Baekhyun wonders if that’ll ever change.

He leaves, and he wonders why his heart feels strange in his chest. Perhaps it’s because Baekhyun’s finally changed, and Chanyeol hasn’t changed at all.

\---

As senior year whizzes by, filled with major life choices and endless amounts of work, Baekhyun is faced with one of the hardest decisions yet: which college to go to. He sent out applications to way more universities than he meant to. He even sent one all the way to a major fine arts school in England that was mostly for kicks (though he really wants to go there if he's honest). Lately his mailbox is busy with acceptance letters arriving in one after another. 

And on one afternoon, he receives the letter that will change his life the most.

The acceptance letter to Durham University is clutched tightly in his hands, and he feels like he’s in a dream. He’s heard such amazing things about this university and their music program. It feels impossible for him to have been accepted and yet, here it is. Proof the impossible isn’t so impossible after all.

He’s so excited, except he feels a huge wave of guilt over having applied at all. Sehun’s been the most amazing boyfriend ever, and even encouraged him to apply. But if he really considers going there, he’d have to go way too far away from his boyfriend, and the thought sends daggers to his heart.

After another time of rereading the print, he can hardly accept what he's reading. This isn't just a lighthearted fun joke, this is real. He actually has a great offer for the last place he ever dared to let himself believe he'd receive one. He knows he needs another opinion, another person to let his thoughts flow free with. He sets the acceptance letter down on his desk and scrolls through his contacts, chewing his already chapped lips. He briefly considers calling Chanyeol, but it’d be too random of a conversation to have at the moment, and how would he describe applying to a foreign university without talking to him first? Or even mentioning it. His mind is swimming with all the what ifs, flipping between panic and excitement, so he calls the person who can best handle him this way. 

On the second ring, the phone call is accepted. “Sehunnie, you’ll never believe the news I have for you,” he says before his boyfriend can even greet him.

Perhaps it’s the tone of his voice, but Sehun immediately senses his feelings. “What is it, Baek? Should I come over?” he asks, his voice soft but clearly worried. “I can grab your favourite ice cream from the convenience store.”

His heart squeezes in appreciation and fondness. Sehun is like his answer to everything, and he loves him so much for it. The L word scares him so much more than he’d like to admit, but he knows that’s exactly what he feels for his adorable boyfriend. “I’d really really like that. I’m kind of freaking out here and my parents are gone again… they’re gone all the time now that I’m almost graduated.”

“Shhh, don’t worry, I’m already out the door. I’ll be there soon, okay? Put on the playlist we made together and wait for me. I should be there in twenty minutes tops. Hang in there, babe, you got this,” his boyfriend says affectionately.

“Thanks, you’re the best,” Baekhyun says, his heart warming despite the thoughts racing through his head and pounding heart.

“You got the best of me~” he replies sweetly, singing with lyrics from _their_ song. The thumping inside his chest isn't just from the letter; it's swelling up in pure fondness, too. “See you soon."

“See you soon~” the elder answers back before hanging up the phone. The air is thick with silence before he puts on the playlist Sehun mentioned, starting with Best of Me by their favourite artist, the song Sehun quoted moments ago. The song makes him feel as warm as his boyfriend's arms do. All of the songs in this playlist are a compilation of the music that makes the two of them happy or makes them want to dance… and a couple of sultry songs for when they’re feeling a certain type of way. 

The playlist proves to be a successful distraction when his thoughts take a different turn as Rainism comes on… because the last time Sehun was over, this song started a steamy makeout session. His boyfriend is shamelessly turned on whenever he sings sexy songs, and last time was no exception. Gratefulness washes over him for suggesting this playlist, because it’s the exact distraction he needs. A little bit of fluff, a little bit of sexy, and a little bit of happiness are the perfect combination.

He keeps himself occupied with singing until a couple of knocks at the front door catch his attention. Sure enough, it’s Sehun with a carton of ice cream and his bag- likely with clothing so he can stay the night.

The raven haired teen opens the door and immediately greets him with a hug, uncertainties and worries echoing in the back of his mind. With his boyfriend like this, he’s so happy. He feels like he’s got something really good going for him in life, how can he possibly leave it? The university abroad isn’t worth losing his loving boyfriend. He won’t go. 

“Well, hello to you, too,” Sehun greets fondly, hugging him as best he can with his hands full. “Let’s get inside, okay?”

Baekhyun nods, still a little at a loss for words. He steps aside and holds the door open for him, thankful that his parents don’t care if his boyfriend stays the night while they’re gone. He doesn’t need another thing to feel guilty about. Sehun sets the bag on the couch and grabs his boyfriend’s hand, leading them to the kitchen to put away the ice cream.

“Baekhyun-ah, what is it?” he asks, squeezing his hand reassuringly.

“It’s kind of silly,” he confesses sheepishly. Emotions always overwhelm him when he lets himself express them, and he feels a bit embarrassed by getting so anxious over an _acceptance_ letter. Sehun probably thinks he was rejected by a university instead.

“I’m the last person who’d laugh at you,” Sehun chides gently. “C’mon, tell me what’s on your mind.” He guides them to the couch, not letting go of Baekhyun’s hand util they sit down and he takes him in his arms instead.

“Uh… well do you remember the university I applied to that’s in England?” Baekhyun starts, his voice small and every word comes out tentative.

“I do, it had a really good music program that you liked. What happened?” the taller asks, beginning to rub his back absentmindedly.

“I got the letter back… and they accepted me,” the smaller states, his heart hammering in his chest out of nerves. “But I won’t go, I can’t move too far away from you.” His words, he realises, make him really vulnerable… but if there’s anyone he can open up the full depths of his heart to, it’d be Sehun.

Relief washes over his boyfriend’s features, and he smiles a little. “I’m proud of you, first of all. And second, you don’t have to say no to the offer.” A moment of silence passes, and Baekhyun feels his nerves nearly combust… is Sehun breaking up with him? Does he want him to go? But then, he continues. “Aigoo, don’t worry. I actually have a confession to make…”

“What’s that?” Baekhyun asks, his voice wavering slightly.

Sehun’s cheeks start darkening with blush, and most (not all) of Baekhyun’s worries disappear at the cute, reassuring sight. “Well, after I encouraged you to submit an application, I looked into studying abroad for my senior year. Most of my credits are finished and I could graduate high school early if I wanted, but… I really want to study abroad, and next year would be the best time for me to do it. There’s a college in York that has a great dance program. York is about an hour train ride to Durham. I was thinking… maybe we could do it? It’s not as close as we’d like, but think about the things we could do together over there.”

Baekhyun listens to him speak, a really good, really strong feeling building in his chest. He’s never felt so utterly touched. “Oh Sehun, I really want to kiss you right now,” he states, all of his worries vanishing into thin air. “You are the most perfect boyfriend, you really looked into all of that for us?” He wraps his arms tighter around his taller boyfriend, watching as the pink on his cheeks spreads to his neck and ears.

“Ah… yes,” he says shyly, avoiding the intensity of Baekhyun’s gaze. “I don’t want to be too far from you, but I like the idea of adventure, too. Care to go on an adventure together?”

Baekhyun kisses the tip of his nose fondly, relishing in the overwhelming happiness taking over. “Sehun… I… I love you,” he whispers, nervous at confessing such a huge thing. It’s only been months since they met, and yet, Baekhyun can’t even imagine not having him in his life.

The smile on Sehun’s lips makes all of the nerves totally worth it. “I got you to confess first,” he says playfully, pecking his lips. “But I love you too, you dork.”

There are moments in everyone’s life that are so important and so significant that you’ll never forget them. They will be the memories you look back and reflect on when you’re talking to grandchildren or old friends. That moment is the first moment where he isn’t scared of the future, but excited for it instead of worrying over the tangled threads of fate.

\---

After the stress of choosing a college passes, he feels a lot more relaxed. Details have worked themselves out, and school is at that "calm before the storm" phase, so he's more relaxed. He even gets a raise at his job. Now that he’s got less to focus on, he begins trying harder to maintain his friendship with Chanyeol.

One thing he quickly notices is how little Chanyeol pays attention to him when he talks about his friends or Sehun. It’s kind of annoying since those are the strongest sources of happiness right now, but he kind of understands it must be hard for him to hear when it used to be the other way around. Instead of bringing up trouble with it, he keeps their conversations lighthearted about topics of mutual interests.

He avidly avoids discussing university though. He has no idea how to break the news to him yet, and he’d much rather save that for a better day, and find ways to hint at the news so it’s not such a shock.

After a couple hours of playing Halo on a Friday night, Baekhyun tenses up slightly at Chanyeol’s topic of discussion… Baekhyun’s sex life.

“How long have you and Sehun been sleeping together?” his childhood best friend asks, an eyebrow raised in curiosity.

His cheeks flush at the unexpected question, and he fiddles with his earring. It’s sort of become a nervous habit of his since he pierced it. “Sehun and I have been having sex for just a few weeks. Ah, actually, since I got my ears pierced.” He can’t help but smile despite the awkward conversation though. He remembers that night _very_ clearly.

“Oh? Who bottomed?” Chanyeol inquires, and Baekhyun feels like he’s going to die of embarrassment.

“Chanyeol! I’m not going to delve into my sex life with you. That was always your forte!” he chides, shaking his head in hopes to shake off the embarrassing awkwardness. It should be normal for him to talk about this, but it feels so weird talking about it with his best friend.

“You're right. But I'm not so into the playboy thing anymore, Baek. I want a real relationship... like the one you have with Sehun."

Baekhyun realises he’s losing control over his emotions so much easier now that he doesn’t have anything to hide. Shock is written all over his face, and he feels a little guilty when he sees sadness cross over Chanyeol’s features. “ _What?_ I didn't expect this of you. You've always preached about how you love the bachelor lifestyle.” A strange feeling causes his heart to thud inside his chest, and he doesn’t know what it means. One thing is undeniable, though. He’s really proud and happy for him.

“I, uh… Things have changed,” he states shyly, looking down at his feet.

Baekhyun pulls him into a hug, giving him a gentle squeeze. “I’m so proud of you!! This is good. Who’s the lucky guy?” he asks, excited at the thought Chanyeol might finally find something real. He’s mildly shocked he doesn’t have any jealousy, though it is weird to think if his best friend had realised this a year ago… things would be way different. He withdraws from the embrace with a smile. Things always happen for a reason.

“Uh… no one. I mean, not yet,” he answers awkwardly, and he looks a little bit sad. Baekhyun doesn’t know what to do to cheer him up other than their usual routine, though.

“Well I’m sure you’ll meet someone soon!” he says, trying to remain cheerful to comfort his friend. This is a great start, if he just looks around, he might find someone he really likes. And his playboy reputation has already started to die down a bit, if the school rumors are anything to go by. Strangely enough, Baekhyun hasn’t heard much about Chanyeol’s sex life lately, so they’re probably true, and this is probably why.

\---

Senior year grows busier and busier the closer it gets to ending. There are countless things to be doing and things to plan for. Dances, graduation paperwork, purchasing a cap and gown, tying up loose ends, sending out invitations. Baekhyun’s also still dealing with work on top of all that, and keeping in touch with all of his friends (and trying to attend all of their individual performances, too).

Chanyeol’s been pretty busy lately as well, so the two of them haven’t spent much time together outside of work. Baekhyun finds it hard to discuss university stuff at lunch when the topic comes up occasionally, though Taemin and Jongin know about the plan for Sehun and Baekhyun abroad. Instead, they keep their lunchtime discussions focused on the fun aspects of their lives.

A large dance showcase is happening soon, one that’s a pretty big deal for Taemin especially. Supposedly an entertainment company has scouted him out as a potential artist, and he can barely stop talking about it at lunch. No matter what anyone says to him, even Jongin, he’s still stressed and obsessed about making everything perfect down to the very last detail.

The entire group finds themselves doting on him, each unable to bear seeing him work himself to the bone. Baekhyun helps come up with a nice double date plan for Taemin and Jongin, and him and Sehun to help him loosen up. It took a lot of coaxing (mainly on Jongin's part, Baekhyun did the nagging) but eventually, they got the blonde to cave.

Of course, the date is perfect. Movies and cuddling at Taemin’s bachelor pad (apparently he has his own condo already thanks to his brother’s job) makes the best spot for cuddling. They set up mountains of pillows and blankets on the floor, light some incense, and set out dozens of snacks and various types of food. The night ends with lots of making out and lots of teasing from both couples, but it works to lighten the star dancer up a little (a lot, actually). 

The dance recital comes and goes… and shortly after, amazing news for Taemin. Not that anyone in their friend group doubted him in the slightest. Baekhyun feels really proud of him (and all the dancers really), and attends the celebration party the guys put together. It feels like all the pieces are coming together, and not just for him, but for everyone around him, too.

This is where they all finally let the cat out of the bag as to what they'll be doing after graduation. Jonghyun has a night job as a radio DJ that's already met with amazing success, Kibum is going to a fashion university in New York, Minho received a huge scholarship for football at his dream university in Seoul, Jinki has an apprenticeship at the factory for a major airplane manufacturer, Jongin (who still has another year of high school left to go) gets accepted into an advanced placement veterinary program based close to the studio Taemin will be training at, and Sehun’s study abroad request is granted. Literally nothing could be better for his small little group of friends, and it makes him really happy. Only one person is missing from the equation though.

Chanyeol.

He feels a little sad about this, but he’s actively trying to spend more time with him. Every time he invites him to gatherings like this or even just private hangouts with the two of them, something comes up and his best friend declines or cancels last minute.

Baekhyun’s not sure how to fix what isn’t exactly broken. Things just aren’t the same, and he’s starting to think they won’t ever go back to how they were. Honestly, how can it?

Once things begin to come undone, there's no going back.

\---

Before he knows it, it’s graduation night already. Baekhyun suddenly is grateful his family name is so early on in the alphabet, so he doesn’t have the time to fall asleep before his name is called up. It feels like the world is glowing as he accepts his diploma, smiling for the flashing cameras and waving to his family and Sehun in the audience. The world is at his fingertips, and it’s an incredible feeling. He returns to his seat, a bubbly feeling in his chest as he tries- and sort of fails- to cheer as his friends’ names come up. He catches some and misses a few as the list goes on... but when he hears Chanyeol’s name, he cheers as loud as he can. He knows their friendship isn’t what it used to be and misses it, but he doesn’t doubt for one minute that great things are in store for their future, even if they take different paths.

He’s proud of himself. A year ago, he probably would have been heartbroken and lonely and still pining after his playboy best friend. Instead, he’s the most confident he’s ever been, with friends to call his own and a boyfriend who’s changed his life. None of that would have happened if he hadn’t let go of the past and opened his heart. 

In many ways, he’s a better person than he used to be, and most of that is inadvertently thanks to Chanyeol. Friends are there to help each other grow and learn life lessons, and he’s gotten a lot of them from his best friend.

He makes a mental note to see what Chanyeol’s doing tomorrow or later in the weekend so they can have their own graduation celebration together, and catch up on details like universities and stuff. Even though their friendship isn't what it used to be, his giant best friend will always have a special place in his heart. He thinks they can find ways to become closer again without the weight of an unrequited love between them.

\---

This is the one party he thinks he’ll never turn down. He’s at Taemin’s place (seriously the best place for everything), in the backyard. Strings of lights hang in the trees, faux lanterns light up the tables, nostalgic music plays on the speakers. The decorations are all gold and white, tastefully designed by Kibum. For once, Baekhyun doesn’t deteste alcohol. He’s not even sure who managed to score them some, but the buzz feels warm and exciting rather than a distraction. 

He sips on some spiked lemonade and dances with his sexy boyfriend, enjoying the intimate little party with just his close friends. None of them care if there’s extra PDA (and they’re not the only couple either). Part of him is sad to see his group part ways, but he knows that they’ll stick together. They’ll find ways to remain close even overseas.

And that kind of certainty makes him feel good. He’s celebrating a huge part of his life with almost everyone he holds dear. The future looks as bright as the stars in the sky, as bright as the spark in Sehun’s eyes when he looks at him.

The night is full of emotional, sappy, growing up speeches from Jonghyun and Kibum, and surprisingly, tears from some of the usually stoic (Minho and Taemin). Everyone exchanges gifts for one another. Kibum gives everyone a matching bracelet that’s oddly perfect for all of them. Jinki hands out airfare vouchers from his new apprenticeship that have surprisingly really good deals on flights, which will without a doubt be helpful for all of them at some point. Minho gifts everyone something unique entirely to them, and Baekhyun gets a really nice quality microphone from him. Jongin and Taemin mutually bought everyone really expensive blankets and plush pillows that matches everyone’s individual style (even getting Kibum’s approval, which is quite the feat). Jonghyun, ever the sentimental one, made CDs of his own works with a slideshow of his favourite photographs of them together. Baekhyun’s gifts to everyone are each something related to the kitchen because though he loves his friends, none of them are as practical as they should be and would starve without necessities. 

Seeing how much all of them care for one another is exactly the kind of group he’s been looking for all along, and he feels blessed to be a part of it. It’s strange how incredible life can be after going through such a rough patch. 

Later that night, when everyone’s said their goodbyes and left (except Jongin of course), Sehun and Baekhyun go home together. Something about the moment they’re in urges them to make the night last as long as possible, and remain the best night of their lives. They make love until dawn, watching the sunrise before finally falling blissfully asleep.

\---

It’s honestly pretty late when Baekhyun wakes up, feeling a sense of warmth and happiness that he’s never felt so strongly before. Sehun’s entangled with him, still sleeping like a cuddly angel. The messy hair, the creamy exposed skin, the jutted out lip all remind him of just how lucky he is and just how much he loves his boyfriend. He’s content to lay there all day if he can, but he mentally reminds himself of the promise he made to see Chanyeol.

After a few more moments of drinking in the peaceful morning, he adjusts Sehun’s arms so he can free one hand to pick up his phone to check the time. He probably should wake his sleeping beauty up before it gets any later, but doesn’t find the heart to do it. These are some of his favourite moments with the younger, he doesn’t want it to end just yet.

He hums softly until he notices that he missed a phone call and voicemail from Chanyeol last night. Curiously, he holds the phone to his ear, not entirely sure what to expect. Maybe it’s a congratulations, maybe it’s more sentimental than that. But what he hears… is the exact opposite of what he expects.

“I fucking hate you,” he hears Chanyeol say, speech slurred and unusual. _He must have been drunk…_ That doesn’t stop his heart from clenching and his body from tensing up. “You ditched me. You never talk to me anymore! So much for being best friends, you jackass. I'm done. Don't ever call me again. I don't want you anymore!"

A whimper escapes his throat upon hearing those words, and Sehun stirs slightly in his hold. “Mmm Baek, you okay?” his sleepy boyfriend asks, opening his eyes groggily to check on him.

“I… not really…” Baekhyun says, his voice small. The younger presses his lips on an exposed patch of skin on his neck.

“What happened?” he asks, finding every little physical spot to kiss to comfort him.

“Chanyeol… I… I think he…” Baekhyun struggles with his words, stammering them out. Sehun raises his head and sits up, sensing how serious the situation is and acting accordingly.

“What is it?” Sehun’s never exactly liked Chanyeol, and Baekhyun’s never held it against him since he opened up about everything. He finds it really sweet how supportive Sehun’s been of his friendship with him despite that.

“Just… listen,” he murmurs, setting his phone to speaker and then playing the voicemail message. He tries to tune out the words because it _hurts_ hearing his best friend of _twelve years_ say he hates him, drunk or not. But he pays attention to Sehun’s face as it turns into a scowl.

“He’s such a dick, Baek. He’s hurt you so much and you always forgive him. You deserve better than that, you know. And I just knew he had feelings for you, I guess it took you moving on for him to notice,” Sehun deadpans, trying to soften his features for Baekhyun’s sake.

The concept that Chanyeol has liked him all along honestly feels like a sucker punch. Was all that unrequited pain for nothing, then? He spent years wondering what was wrong with him, how he could get Chanyeol to notice him. It makes him feel sick with a lot of things he doesn’t even know where to begin. He pulls Sehun in close, needing the contact right now. His boyfriend melts into the hold, stroking his hair with his fingers gingerly.

“I can’t believe this,” Baekhyun whispers as he pulls back. “It’s just all so unnecessary. I don’t get him at all. Why now, of all times? He’s had his chance. He wasted it. I knew something had to be going on with him, but this…?” He sighs, feeling so conflicted and tired. Perhaps he knew this was coming and just didn’t want to see it. He still doesn’t want to see it. “What do I even say to that…?”

“Baek, just go and be honest with him. Tell him how you used to feel and how you feel now. I’ll be waiting here when you get back, okay? Just know that I love you and I'll support you through this. I want things get better for you, closure is probably the only way.”

“I love you too, you’re not worried that I’d choose him over you, are you?” Baekhyun asks, nervously tightening his arms around his boyfriend like a lifeline.

“No, I’m not worried, Baekhyun-ah. I know you love me. I love you too. But that doesn’t change that you need to have a serious talk with him, and it won’t be easy. I’ll be here for you though, and we can do whatever you want to help you feel better,” Sehun replies, cupping his cheek before locking their lips together in a gentle, meaningful kiss. 

"Even watching Lord of the Rings?" he asks playfully as he pulls back, attempting to lighten the mood a little. Sehun knows Baekhyun can't stand heavy conversations lasting too long, and knowing that the younger understands that about him is one of the many reasons they make a great couple.

"Only if you give me another kiss," the taller teases, his gaze flickering to Baekhyun's lips.

"My pleasure," the dark haired teen says, kissing his cheek, then his nose, then his forehead. Moments like these between them flow so naturally, he can almost believe he's not going to fall apart in just a few hours. This is his salvation, the missing piece of the puzzle he's always needed. This is what's right to him. He can get through anything as long as he's got Sehun by his side, supporting him every step of the way. 

They share a few more kisses before getting dressed, and Sehun sees him off at the front door, giving him a reassuring nod of encouragement.

The walk to his best friend's place is filled with dread and a whirlwind of emotions he hasn't felt in a long time. Mostly, though, he feels anger. Strangely enough, Baekhyun arrives to Chanyeol's house before he does. His parents let him in, cheerfully congratulating him on graduation. The teen finds it hard to pretend everything’s okay, but he manages well enough before making it up to his best friend’s room and waits… and waits… and waits for what feels like an eternity for the taller teen to return.

By the time he hears the door open, his anger has been festering to the point of danger. He feels like he’s going to explode any second.

“Uh… hi?” he hears Chanyeol ask, uncertain and hoarse. The shorter of the two is still fuming, at a loss for words and ignores him. “Baek, about last night-”

He doesn’t want to hear it. He’s so unbelievably angry and hurt. With a glare, he whips around to face his childhood best friend. Despite the overwhelming amount of anger, his voice comes out scarily calm. “What the fuck, Chanyeol?”

The fear and skittishness on the taller teen’s face isn’t enough to make his anger diminish.

“Baek, I-”

_He doesn’t want to hear it_. “No. Don't speak. Listen to me. You're such an ass. Do you think I was happy to wake up to that kind of voicemail from you?” He snaps, huffing in frustration before continuing. “No, I wasn't. You don't get to cowardly tell me your feelings when you're drunk off your ass. You don't get to tell me that _I_ ditched _you_. Not when I waited three fucking years for you to get a clue!" His eyes feel hot with watery tears before they fall down his cheeks. The undeniable truth is finally out in the open and his insides churn in a strange mix of confusion and pain.

“What… why are you crying?” the giant asks, hesitating as he moves closer. The shorter furiously wipes his cheeks, ashamed at every tear that spills over them.

“You're such a fucking moron. I used to be in love with you, Chanyeol. But you didn't fucking notice. You said it was all just friendship and I told myself that it was the best I was ever going to get. So don't you turn it around on me, Chanyeol. You were the one who slept with anything that had legs. I was done waiting for you. You were absolute poison for me. So I'm sorry I 'ditched' you." His speech leaves him with an aching feeling in his heart. He’s never been so brutally honest before and he feels like he’s going to be sick. He’s so angry with him, with himself. A floodgate has been shattered, and everything is overflowing. His brown eyes watch as his friend finally puts it all together in his head.

Under different circumstances, Baekhyun would be sympathetic towards him, but he just can’t. Everything is out now, there are no more secrets. All three years of pent up anger and heartache is finally let loose. He has so much more of it than he thought he did. “I’m so sorry, Baek. Why didn’t you ever tell me?”

God, Baekhyun wants to slap him so hard. He settles for another glare instead. “Why the hell would you ask me that? You're a playboy! You always have been. I was left with being your friend or being a one night stand. I chose the first option." He doesn’t add more to that because he knows he’ll regret it later. 

He’s shocked to see his best friend get angry in return. “How dare you sell yourself so short?" Chanyeol yells at him, clenching his fists. "You are so much more than a one night stand. If you had told me, I never would have let you go."

Baekhyun’s heart skips a beat as he realises just what Chanyeol said and what it actually means. All those years of unrequited love, that stupid longing and empty feeling, all those disgusting moments of jealousy were for absolutely nothing. “What?” he asks, his mouth agape as he tries to accept the idea that if he’d just _said something_ , everything would be different. It's too much.

“Baekhyun, I... I love you, too. I didn't realize it until recently. That's why I was so sad and hurt last night. I... I missed you. It felt wrong that I wasn't with you. I don't even know what college you're going to! Everything was just making me sad. I drank too much, and..." he trails off nervously. "And I miss you."

What on earth does he say to that? He feels so conflicted, so confused. He used to think Chanyeol couldn’t possibly care for him in return, that something was wrong with him if he preferred one night stands. Now he wonders if everything was all his fault from the beginning. He feels guilty, and it’s killing him inside to think about all that pain he was in and how he’d caused it himself. His gaze falls to the ground and he feels like he’s going to fall apart. The words he wants to say just don’t form in his mind.

“Please, Baek. Say something,” Chanyeol pleads, desperately grabbing his hand. Baekhyun has to fight the urge to pull it away immediately.

Suddenly he’s able to say what he needs to. “I don't know what to say to you, Chanyeol. I gave up on loving you a year ago. I've moved on with Sehun. But... but you are right. It feels wrong to not be close to you." He meets Chanyeol's eyes, his heart racing at the overwhelming thoughts and feelings he doesn’t fully understand. He hates what they’ve become, and wishes it would all just disappear. But he doesn’t wish to go back to the nights he watched Chanyeol seduce and fuck a stranger. Nothing would ever make him want anything like that… his heart, though hurting, belongs to Sehun.

"Please be my best friend again," the taller begs, eyes full of tears and hurt and sorrow. Baekhyun is startled by how much he sees himself in that gaze. It’s like looking into a mirror of himself from a year ago. The pain, the sorrow, the heartache, the longing for something that isn’t ever going to happen. He can’t let his best friend go through that. He has to give him the kind of closure he himself never had.

"I... Chanyeol, I don't know if that's a good idea," he replies, his heart heavy in his chest.

The dejected look in his best friend’s gaze is so so hard to look at as he asks, "Why?"

Baekhyun has no choice, though. He has to be clear and end things before they get too far. "Because I know that pain... and I don't know if we can just be friends. Were we ever just friends? And... and I'm moving for college soon. It'll be a clean break for you this way." This isn’t the way he wanted to tell him about his choice of university, but there’s no easy way to do that in this situation.

Chanyeol squeezes Baekhyun's hand and tries to blink away the tears forming in his eyes. Knowing it’s himself who caused them makes him feel even more guilt than he thought possible. "Please don't do this. I don't want to lose you, Baek. I already miss you so much."

A lump forms in his throat as he pulls his hand away. "I'm so sorry, Chanyeol. But I don't think we can be friends right now. I'm happy with Sehun. You... you need to get over this. We need a break." He’s not going to let Chanyeol waste years of his life pining over him like he did. He’s not going to let that kind of heartache continue, even if it hurts himself. This can’t be good for either of them. Baekhyun tries to turn around, but his friend grabs his shoulder, forcing him to make eye contact.

"No," the taller yells, desperately. "Isn't our friendship worth fighting for? We can at least try! We did used to be just friends. We grew up together. You can't just throw away years of friendship!"

Their faces are inches apart, and Baekhyun's dark chocolate eyes fill with tears, as he looks deep into his best friend’s. He hates this, but he has to do it. He has to, for both their sakes. "Chanyeol... don't pull that card. Our friendship means everything to me. But emotionally, we need to take a step back. And..." His heart pounds in his chest as he prepares himself to say what is likely to be the final nail in the coffin. He tries to swallow the thick lump in his throat before saying, "I'm going to England."

Chanyeol’s grip on his shoulder goes slack with shock. Seeing the fear and confusion in his best friend is already weighing heavily on his conscience and his heart. "What?" he asks, his eyes like a deer caught in the headlights.

"I got accepted to a really good fine arts college in England. I'm leaving in two months," he says quietly, avoiding Chanyeol's gaze and taking a step back, towards the door, towards his only escape.

"But... what about your parents? What about Sehun?" the younger asks, his desperation all too clear to Baekhyun.

"My parents are supportive. Sehun... is kind of going with me." Baekhyun can’t look at him in the eyes anymore, it’s just too much. His gaze falls to the ground and stays there.

"What?" Chanyeol asks, his voice trembling in pain in a way Baekhyun has never heard from him until now.

"He wants me to follow my dreams but he didn't want to be left behind, either. So his parents arranged for him to study abroad. He's been wanting to for a few years now." His words seem so cold, and he feels guilty for that, too. But how else is he going to resolve this? If he holds him and apologises and comforts him, he will be sending the wrong message to him and make everything worse."Please don't go," his best friend says in a broken whisper. "Baek, I can't live without you." Baekhyun makes the mistake of looking up and seeing the tears streaming down his cheeks. Never in a million years did he expect something like this would happen between them. His heart feels like it’s being squeezed to death.

"Chanyeol, don't cry. Please don't cry. I... I can't take it. We'll just take a break. When I get back from England... we'll try being friends again, okay?" He’s so scared and nervous, but he’s positive there is no other way for this to go between them. If Baekhyun agreed to just 'be friends' with Chanyeol, the giant would be stuck in the same slump Baekhyun was. Three years were wasted. He can't let Chanyeol fall into that same trap knowingly. This way may break both of their own hearts, but he'll be able to move on faster. No more question marks, no more guessing. No longing for something that won't happen. No pent up or hidden anger. In some ways, Baekhyun is doing the thing he wished Chanyeol would have done for him. 

On wobbly legs, he manages to take a step forward, halted by a weak grasp of his wrist. His resolve doesn’t change despite how sad he is. He forces himself to speak, though. "Goodbye, Chanyeol." Baekhyun slips through his grasp and exits the room, closing the door behind himself, and the life he once knew. 

Just like string, bonds wither with time, and with time, they'll snap or unravel.

Everything has an ending, he knows that. But some endings are harder than others. This is one of them.

**Author's Note:**

> *runs and hides* 
> 
> I know everyone who read the first part of this (Sand Through the Hourglass) was really hoping for Baekyeol endgame, and to be honest, I was intending for that to happen, too. But then I began writing this today, and wow, I ship SeBaek so hard once they were in writing. 
> 
> I think there's beauty in endings like these. It's nice to fantasize about everything working out in the end, but in the life I've lived so far, I've learned to accept unhappy endings where I didn't want them. It's a sad but undeniable truth. Hopefully nobody is crying too hard, I'll bring out the tissues. *holds them out*
> 
> Thank you so much for reading, I really hope you enjoyed this or could connect to it. If you leave a comment, you'll make my entire year~
> 
> Also, would anyone like sides to this story? Not exactly a sequel per se, (though that's not out of the question) but things that build up the story better. I have so many ideas but they all seem disjointed (like children!baekyeol or a taekai spin-off or sebaek fluff/smut). If there's enough interest, I might post them. Please let me know!


End file.
